May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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