Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
