I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
