I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
