new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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