WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
