you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
