Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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