Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
