cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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