I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
