If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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