shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
