I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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