I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Life is so much better after having sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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