I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
