you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
