What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
