He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
