dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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