Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I could make wine with my vomit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
