If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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