yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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