The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
