he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
