I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
pray to the hookup gods
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
