Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
