maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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