Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
