Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't deserve a penis
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
