You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
