I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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