So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
