Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
