I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
