you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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