yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
