i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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