I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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