Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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