wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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