so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
