hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
