I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
