I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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