I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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