What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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