Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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