Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
