May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
