Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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