so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
