Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
