Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
where does the pee come out of this thing
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
