The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we made out on top of his cat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
