So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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