I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He kissed a someone with a penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night