Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december