hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?