Texts From Last Night

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  (903): View more from Texas

  Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

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  (903): Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything. http://tfl.nu/euxa
  Replies (9) Good night (5460) Bad night (676)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

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  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
  Replies (17) Good night (5161) Bad night (1412)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.

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  (407): When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much. http://tfl.nu/q4wr
  Replies (22) Good night (4754) Bad night (1399)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.

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  (614): No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog. http://tfl.nu/lwrd
  Replies (11) Good night (5857) Bad night (1303)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

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  (770): I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia. http://tfl.nu/25qr
  Replies (14) Good night (2664) Bad night (1399)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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  (828): I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now http://tfl.nu/merq
  Replies (12) Good night (3452) Bad night (1160)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (5248) Bad night (1188)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

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  (563): I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan. http://tfl.nu/gr04
  Replies (10) Good night (2262) Bad night (758)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?

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  (812): Is it too early to say this year has been a blur? http://tfl.nu/q8ht
  Replies (2) Good night (1144) Bad night (1166)
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  (718): View more from New York

  If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go

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  (718): If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go http://tfl.nu/k79y
  Replies (9) Good night (1688) Bad night (666)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  That's me emphasizing the ridiculous

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  (808): RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS (808): That's me emphasizing the ridiculous http://tfl.nu/j8gk
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (350)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..

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  (704): All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar.. http://tfl.nu/zfs2
  Replies (5) Good night (838) Bad night (358)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.

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  (216): I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm. http://tfl.nu/ibg7
  Replies (4) Good night (323) Bad night (700)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.

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  (518): Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for. http://tfl.nu/odgq
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (272)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.

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  (740): Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too. http://tfl.nu/qmru
  Replies (4) Good night (796) Bad night (279)

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