i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.