Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
