His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
