I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
