That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
