she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize