it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
worst night to have a conscience
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He shit in the fireplace
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
