The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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