theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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