he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
