What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
