i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this boner is exhausting
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize