she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Girls should come with a carfax report
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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