I CAN MOONWALK!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
