I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
