Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
